FAMILY'S LOVE TO THEIR WIVES: MOTHER IN-LAW AND DAUGHTER IN-LAW IN AFRICAN MARRIAGES

FAMILY'S LOVE TO THEIR WIVES: MOTHER IN-LAW AND DAUGHTER IN-LAW IN AFRICAN MARRIAGES.

Mother told me to try and marry a woman she love so much; a lady she will always see and take as her own daughter; a woman she will happily correct whenever she flaws; a woman she will joyfully teach motherly ways; a woman she will flaunt and be proud of.
A lady she will love even before I marry her. A lady that will accept and love her prior to coming in.

As Africans, we all know the jibes and jeers that ensues between mothers in-law and daughters in-law. It's never easy for the both at times.
We have heard about the quarrels, agonies, fights and hatreds that occurs.

To some ladies, they would prefer to marry a man whose mother has died, to avoid facing what her own mother faced, or, what she heard or saw other women experience.

No woman would want to find herself in a lifetime burning furnace. Every woman wants to settle down in a family that promotes peace; where love reigns; where her mother in-law will love her and treat her like her own daughter, not where there will be regrets and face-offs. As a woman, prior to accepting his marriage proposal, you must be able to have read the minds and body languages or attitudes of his people towards you. Not only that of his mother, because, in Africa, a woman is not married to and by her husband alone, but also to and by his relations.

Through their attitudes whenever you pay them premarital-visits, you should be able to ascertain whether you're loved and accepted or not.

You do not need a soothsayer to reveal this to you. The happenings as you near his family members, will convince or discourage you.

Do not knowingly fetch ants infested firewood by yourself.
Do not be blindfolded by only the love professed by your man, because as African tenets demands, he's not alone in that journey.

Do not force yourself into a family you're not welcomed from the onset/ first day of seeing you.
Be bold to ask your man certain questions, especially when you hear some movements and arguments behind the scene. This is to ensure that you're not the reason for their quarrels.

Definitely, your man wont tell you immediately. He will pretend. But use your woman 'power' to get the true answer from him, even if not immediately. Possibly when you leave there. Don't assume that all is well, because you could be the reason for their arguments.

Nobody should ignorantly or naïvely enter into a hellfire.
Marriage should be a peaceful and a joyful ground, not a war front. Not a scene for the display of hatred and immaturity.

Do not just jump into marrying him because he is rich, kind, generous, handsome, or, because he is from a rich family. Think about his family too. It's a lifetime engagement, unless you wish to rush out soon. Unless you can endure the fumes forever.

The love of a mother in-law is very sweet and important, because it will (amongst all) guarantee your happiness, as well as motherly protection upon any eventuality.

The love of a mother in-law to her daughter in-law is almost the same with the love of a mother to her daughter, if it thrives from the onset and lightens the entire family subsequently. The lack of it, is the lack of lots.

Many wives are in this bondage because they did not notice this timely, or, because they were blindfolded by only their man's love. Or, because they wanted to 'gold-dig'.

In Africa, we appreciate
the Doctrine of Extended Family, thus, you can't totally exempt them from your husband's family chart. Therefore, you can't marry only your man, you marry both his family members.

It is true that you must face one or two rancour, no matter what. But you have to try your best too, by being able to timely identify the kind of people you're about to dine and wine with forever, so that you will know how to follow them.

Do not buy a lawsuit with your beauty, or out of your unwise decision.

Be careful, cautious, conscious, discerning and prayerful to avoid dining with beasts. To avoid selling your happiness forever.


CHARLES C. DENNIS